"Death and Denial"
By Dr. Mickey Anders
South Elkhorn Christian ChurchLexington, Kentucky
September 20, 2000

Text: Mark 9:30-37

Lutheran pastor Russell Anderson tells a story about the time his father wasnearing the end of his earthly life. He had finally realized the gravity of hissituation. "I got some bad news," he said. "What's that?" Russell responded. "I'm not going to make it," he retorted.

Summoning his store of knowledge from his Clinical Pastoral Education course andyears of dealing with sickness and death, he asked, "How do you feel about that,Dad?" His father, who was always loathe to reveal too much of his feelings,shot back: "How do you feel about dying?"

The son remained mute. His first thought was, "But, Dad, I'm not dying, youare." Then he writes, "On a deeper level I knew that he was right, I too wasdying. I needed to deal with my death as well as his. Yet I wanted to denythat the shadow of my own death was looming ever larger." (1)

The reaction of Pastor Russell Anderson is about the same reaction that all ofus have when reminded of our own mortality. Most of us avoid the subject ofdeath more than any other. It's a taboo subject. Nobody talks about it.

We go through life knowing that everybody dies, but we are convinced it willnever happen to us. We deny this most basic fact of all life - that we will oneday die. We live our lives pretending that we are going to live forever. Butthe only way we can keep up that pretense is through massive denial.

As they love to say in Alcoholics Anonymous, "Denial is not a river in Egypt." It is a defense mechanism that we all practice every day. We deny our owndeath.

Psychiatrist Dr. George Simon says, "Neurotics use a variety of intra-psychicmechanisms to defend against the experience of emotional pain and alleviateanxiety. Almost everyone has heard of these classic 'defense mechanisms.' Theseare unconscious tools that, though powerful, are neither adequate, nor alwaysparticularly healthy as ways to mitigate emotional pain." (2)

Woody Allen said, "When I die, all I want is just a few of my good friends togather around the casket, and do everything in their power to bring me back tolife" (3). Everyone else dies - that we can accept. But somehow, we think wewill be the exception so we don't talk about it.

That was also the reaction of the disciples in our text for today. They did notknow how to deal with Jesus' death or with their own. Denial had set in.

Jesus and the disciples are moving through Galilee, and they are travelingincognito. The text says, Jesus "did not want anyone to know it, for he wasteaching his disciples�" We can imagine Jesus' desire for private time with hisdisciples to talk about the things that really matter. Surely the crowdspressed in on them so much, that he seldom had time to teach.

Jesus' mind is preoccupied because he has set his face for Jerusalem and thedangerous political and religious showdown that would occur there. Up untilnow, Jesus has consciously avoided the political hot zones like Jerusalem. Itdidn't take the mind of God to know that trouble was brewing in Jerusalem.

Now that Jesus has his disciples alone and out of the public eye, Jesus takesthis opportunity to teach the disciples about the major thing on his mind - hiscoming death and resurrection. He wants to prepare them for what is soon tohappen. I find it interesting that Jesus doesn't succumb to denial about hisown death; he wants to talk about it. He knows that he and the disciples needto prepare themselves for what is coming.

But this message that Jesus has for the disciples concerns the one thing theyleast want to hear. They stubbornly refuse to comprehend the message about theapproaching persecution and the trials that he and they will face.

I find it interesting that Jesus predicts his death three times in Mark, andthey are found almost exactly one chapter apart - Mark 8:31, Mark 9:31, and Mark10:33-34. Repeating something three times is always significant instorytelling.

The first prediction was just after the scene we talked about last week inCaesarea Philippi where Jesus asked, "Who do you say that I am?" We ended lastweek's sermon with Peter's answer, "You are the Messiah."The next verses read, Jesus "sternly ordered them not to tell anyone about him. Then he began to teach them that the Son of Man must undergo great suffering,and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and bekilled, and after three days rise again. He said all this quite openly. AndPeter took him aside and began to rebuke him."

Clearly, none of the disciples wanted to hear this talk about suffering anddeath. It was a taboo subject for them, too. They all wanted Jesus to stop suchdownbeat talk, but it was Peter who spoke up. Peter rebuked Jesus for hisnegative attitude, which led Jesus to say, "Get behind me Satan."

Then one chapter later we find our text for today in which Jesus returns to thetheme with a new and chilling detail - that he will be betrayed. This timeJesus says, "The Son of Man is to be betrayed into human hands, and they willkill him, and three days after being killed, he will rise again."

The words "to be betrayed into human hands" were not included in Jesus firstdescription of his suffering and death. Where did this note of betrayal comefrom? What is this about a betrayal that will lead to death? Doesn't a betrayalpoint the finger at a friend rather than an enemy? And who could it be?

This second time that Jesus foretells his suffering and death, no one responds. The disciples are stunned into silence. Verse 32 says, "But they did notunderstand what he was saying and were afraid to ask him."

I suppose they are afraid to say anything because Peter was sternly rebuked whenhe protested one chapter earlier. They didn't want Jesus to say of them, "Getbehind me Satan."

Or perhaps they were just pondering the new details revealed in this secondforetelling. Perhaps they were searching their own hearts to see if they wouldbe the one to betray him. It had to be so confusing to them.

Or maybe they were just like Russell Anderson and us - speechless whenconfronted with the reality of death.

Jesus knew of the innate fear in the heart of the disciples concerning death,his death and theirs. Jesus also knew that they would all pay a terrible pricefor his ministry. So he takes this private tutoring session as the opportunityto try to teach them.

He will try to prepare them one last time in the next chapter, Mark 10:33-34,where we read, "He took the twelve aside again and began to tell them what wasto happen to him, saying, `See, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Manwill be handed over to the chief priests and the scribes, and they will condemnhim to death; then they will hand him over to the Gentiles; they will mock him,and spit upon him, and flog him, and kill him; and after three days he will riseagain'" (Mark 10:32-34).

Jesus is hammering away at this theme to prepare the disciples, but they were indenial to the end. As a result, they were thoroughly unprepared for his death.

I find it interesting that Jesus does not avoid painful subjects. He talksabout the elephant in the room. While the disciples are still arguing about whowill be greatest in Jesus' kingdom, Jesus knows they are moving steadfastlytoward Jerusalem and a great showdown with the authorities. Jesus is willing toface the fact that it won't turn out well, but the disciples are still indenial.

It is the kind of lesson that all of us need to hear. We struggle to face ourown deaths, and in so doing we struggle to understand life. Someone has saidthat we have to know how to die in order to know how to live.

But few of us know how to die. In George Seaton's film The Proud and theProfane, the steps of a young nurse are traced to Iwo Jima where her husband hadbeen killed in World War II. She goes to the cemetery where her husband liesburied and turns to the caretaker, a shell-shocked soldier, who had seen herhusband die. "How did he die?" she asked. "Like an amateur," he replies. "They teach you how to hurl a grenade and how to fire a mortar, but nobodyteaches you how to die. There are no professionals in dying." That isespecially so when we go through life in denial. Few of us know how to die.

But there is much to be learned from those who are dying. One of the mostpopular books of the last few years was entitled, Tuesdays with Morrie by MitchAlbom. Professor Morrie Schwartz was the teacher and mentor for Mitch Albom,who became a sports writer. When he learned that his old professor was dying,he committed himself to spending every Tuesday with Morrie. The book was aboutthe things he learned from his dying professor.

On one of those visits, Morrie said, "Take any emotion - love for a woman, orgrief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadlyillness. If you hold back on the emotions - if you don't allow yourself to goall the way through them - you can never get to being detached, you're too busybeing afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You'reafraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.

"But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in,all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. Youknow what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only thencan you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize thatemotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.'"

Morrie stopped and looked Mitch over, perhaps to make sure he was getting thisright. "I know you think this is just about dying," he said, "but it's like Ikeep telling you. When you learn how to die, you learn how to live" (5)

When we overcome our denial of our own death, our perspectives will change too. In fact, author Stephen Covey says it's one of the secrets of highly effectivepeople. When discussing one of his principles of leadership, he writes thisparagraph:

"In your mind's eye, see yourself going to the funeral of a loved one. Pictureyourself driving to the funeral parlor or chapel, parking the car, and gettingout. As you walk inside the building you notice the flowers, the soft organmusic. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. Youfeel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates fromthe hearts of the people there.

"As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, yousuddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral, three yearsfrom today."

The Stephen Covey expounds on his principle called, "Begin with the End inMind." He is suggesting that looking at our own death's will help us to knowwhat we want people to say about us at our funeral. Knowing that end, facingthat fact, will help us to plan our current lives to achieve that goal.

I think Jesus is telling us the same thing. He knew that denying his comingdeath was an unhealthy defense mechanism. Denial is not the path to a healthyview of life.

Professor Morrie Schwartz had it right, "When you learn how to die, you learnhow to live."

In another place, Jesus said it this way, "If any want to become my followers,let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those whowant to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake,and for the sake of the gospel, will save it" (Mark 8:34-35).

"When you learn how to die, you learn how to live."

Endnotes:

1) Russell Anderson, Lectionary Preaching Workbook, Series V, Cycle B, CSSPublishing, Lima, Ohio, 1996, p. 294.

2)http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/10/08/denial-as-defense-mechanis,downloaded 9/15/2009.

3) Fred Kane, PRCL, 4/16/2000.

4) Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey p. 965) Tuesdays With Morrie, by Mitch Albom, New York: Doubleday, 1997, 103-104.